*Melody Beattie. Journey to the Heart. January 30, "Warm Up."

Willing into connection - what I call withness - is a spiritual art, a devotional practice. This is in the context of understanding relationships are spiritual practice, whether that relationship is with a person, group, or Divine Presence.

Yes, as we go deeper in Love with Love, the separation between relating with God and others dissolves more and more. I once had a sharp separation between withness with God and being with others. Now, that is not so. There is little difference, if any, between withness with the Divine and someone else. Either is prayer, a moment in Love. I have powerful experiences of Mystical Grace with both.

This frees me from an over-commitment to physical solitude and to times set aside. Sure, I need these. I can enjoy balance, however. I do not have to be upset when my time with God is not as much for having to spend more time with others. I find others and God, God and others, equally in both.

Yet, if I neglect time alone with God, my time with others will suffer. I will not be able to be as strong a conduit of Divine Love. And if I neglect time with others, my time with God will suffer, for I will be quenching the Loving that God is.

Note our Scripture for today. To receive what we need from God, we expend effort to ask, seek, and knock. But asking is not demanding, seeking is not pulling and pushing, and knocking on the door is not knocking down the door.

The late Gerald G. May, in The Awakened Heart, tells of a friend's determination to remain in the Sense of Presence:

During a recent retreat, a friend of mine had to leave to attend a business meeting. He tried to maintain the sense of presence he had had at the retreat throughout the meeting. He thought he had been able to do it, and was quite grateful until a few hours later when he was beset with feelings of rage, abandonment, and fear. In trying to hold on, he had forged a falsehood and not allowed his natural responsiveness to emerge. When he finally relaxed his repressive charade, a deluge of negativity engulfed him.

May speaks of balance we nurture in spiritual awareness: "When stretching and yielding flow together in harmony, willingness is freed, consecration is empowered, love unfettered, fear conquered."

Let us apply this harmony to meditation. For meditation is practicing this flow. When we are in silence, we can say we are open. Open means just that: open. We are not striving. We are not pushing. We are not pulling. We are receptive. In other words, our will is directed toward an openness to Spirit. Yet, if we are forceful with the will, trying to use will to coerce something into experience, will has become willfulness.

There is, in May's words, a natural responsiveness. In this, we are not trying to be spiritual, get revelations, hear locutions, see visions, ... We are simply inviting Presence. We are being with God and ourself.

Now, if we push toward an experience, in willfulness, we do the opposite of what we want to do. We want to be open and receptive, we will to receive. Willfulness, however, shuts down the openness, blocking the receptivity.

How does this flow into all our life? Well, for one, it shows in relationships. Have you ever worked hard to love someone? Did it work? True Love is not something you work hard at. You are naturally open to give and receive. You want to give and receive. You enjoy giving and receiving. True Love is simply organic, natural. You do not force, push, strain - Love flows.

If you love persons, you want to give time, energy, attention, presence, ... You enjoy the withness. You may even suffer from apartness. If you say, "I really love this person, but I don't want to be open to her. I don't have time to relax and be with her," is that not a contradiction?

So, we could say prayer, meditation, and all forms of devotion are expressions of Loving. This is natural.

When I go to worship on Sunday, I do not have to manufacture some special state of mind. I do not have to turn up the heat. No, I just fully show up. I am open. I am receptive. I have no need to pep up a "spiritual" experience. Loving is saying, "I'm here, for whatever you give. I'm here to give, and naturally, freely."

Since the nature of Life reflects the nature of the Giver of Life, then, we can conclude some things about Divine Presence by looking at our naturally sacred desires. Do you not get excited when someone lovingly gives you something? If you do not, then, you have a problem receiving. You are repressing a natural responsiveness to Loving.

Likewise, Divine Presence. The Sacred is open, receptive, and natural with us each. Sacredness wants to enjoy withness with you and me. Sacredness is not a static idea. Presence lives, gives, and receives.

Therefore, Divine Presence is graceful. This means Spirit does not force Itself into our lives. Spirit is open to us, offering to share with us. Spirit not only gives, Spirit longs to receive. Yes, the longing to love and be loved, within us each, is there by virtue of the Nature of God in us.

So, relax. Be aware of where you are, what you are feeling, what you want to give, and what you want to receive. This is not being selfish. This is being godly.

Yet, do not seek to force things with God or others. Divine Life is always by invitation. If you cannot give and receive as you long to in a relationship, accept such and move on, or seek to address the matter with the person.

If you push persons away due to willfulness, seek to address that with the Divine. Pray to relax and watch as the Loving you need flows into your life, without your straining to find or get it.

And with God, all this applies. Learn to enjoy simply Being. Practice being quiet and receptive to Loving. The ebb and flow of Presence will be clear. If God seems absent, sense into the absence, for even that is Presence manifesting. If God seems close, relax into that, not seeking to control, manipulate, or own such.

This, of course, goes back to a central theme in my work. The thesis is: Surrender is central in spiritual Life. This does not mean not trying. Willingness implies a natural degree of effort. You do not give or receive without effort. Yet, when effort becomes effort-full, we have moved from graced willingness to stubborn willfulness.

In relationships with others, there is some risk in this Pure, Willing Openness. Jesus models for us the pain that can occur when desire – and, recall, spiritual desire arises from God - to give and receive is not reciprocated. First, you might think that to be open, receptive, and willing would protect you from such pain, and if you did feel such, you would not be in unconditional Love. Wrong. Note Jesus' experience: Jerusalem, Jerusalem! Your people have killed the prophets and have stoned the messengers who were sent to you. I have often wanted to gather your people, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings. But you wouldn't let me.” (Luke 13.34, CEV).

This is a reason we need to relent of willfulness and be only receptive. If we act willfully toward others, we will find ourselves in a constant state of frustration. Clearly put: The more you fall in Love with the Divine Love, the more capacity you have to share yourself deeply, and the fewer persons will be prepared to reciprocate. The level of reciprocation will not match your level of receptivity. This is one of the potential frustrations of growing spiritually.

What are you do to, beyond relaxing your efforts in relationships? Well, delve deeper into your relationship with the Divine. That Love can meet your desire to give and receive Love. If you are daily living in the Presence, finding a Love Affair responding to your willing openness, then, you will be less likely to live in the frustration of not getting it elsewhere.

Does this mean giving up receiving Loving from others? No. Rather, as you move deeper into Love with Spirit, your need to discern whom to invite into your heart openly will increase.

The story goes that Shams, the Sufi, longed to find a like soul he could share soul to soul. He searched for years. He met Rumi. Here, with Rumi, Shams found someone he could share Divine Love with, and at an intimate level of soul to soul. Rumi found the same. Many of Rumi's poems refer to Shams as an embodiment of God's Love. When you read such poetry, Rumi is not being blasphemous, he is using Shams as a symbol and means of Divine Grace.

Yet, again, one needs to be discerning in this matter. This gift of a soul companion, where you each share the openness to Divine Love, needs to arise as a gift. Do not willfully try to force or grow someone into that openness. Either the person is ready or not. If not, you cannot prepare the person.

Now, for many Catholics Mary has become this means of Love. While in Catholic teaching Mary is not an equal with Christ, Mary becomes a feminine embodiment of God's Love for many persons. I myself, and not being Catholic, have had powerful, nurturing manifestations of Mary for years. I did not ask for this; I only asked for Love. Yet, “she” continues to come as a spiritual, motherly presence. Is it Mary? Is it the inner feminine of my soul? I am content to receive, to be open, to be thankful for the gift. And if my Protestant family has problems with that, let them complain to God. I receive this Mary presence, for it is a gift not to be turned away due to the qualms of Protestant faith.

This leads us to a final matter. We cannot control the ways Spirit will manifest to us, either directly or through other persons. See, this is all gift. In your openness, you may come to know the Divine in new ways. This may not fit in your formal image of how God is supposed to be for you. Yet, there is so much more to God than you have experienced and been told. If you want more of God, your willingness and receptivity to more must be present, or you will block the manifestation.

Imagine being in a relationship with someone. You see that person a certain way, and you have become comfortable with him or her the way you see the person. Then, suddenly, you sense into or see suddenly a new aspect of him or her. You might say, “What changed you?” The other might say, “Nothing, this is part of who I am, always have been.” Possibly, you yourself changed, not her or him. Maybe you were prepared to receive and appreciate something about the other you could neither see nor appreciate before. This same process happens with God. God does not change. What we can see and appreciate of the Divine does.